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Friday, April 29, 2011

Period 5, Group F, Draft Four

Dear Mr.Bigman,

I know you're busy with all your presidential duties man, but I have a bone to pick with you. Early this week it rained at my commune. I went into the fields the next day and all the beautiful flowers I had just planted were dead. Mr. President, man, you have to understand my agony. I spent three afternoons working on perfecting the earth with fertilizers and tilling up the top soil, and then the rains came and ruined all my hard work. I wrote a haiku about it, to portray my raw emotions:
As toxic rain fell

the rich soil was left for dead

Nothing will be grown


Mr. President, can you still read the emotions in my words? It's the entire government's fault, man. I know it's a sick plan to brain wash your citizens. You and your "scientists" claim to be trying to help our mother earth- LIES, corporate American LIES! You sit in your fancy chair laughing at people like me planting our gardens in useless soil. I've read the articles, I've heard the rumors. The natural calcium and magnesium are missing in our soil, your acidic rains of sulfuric and nitric acids are ruining the top soil, and are causing our green world to deteriorate, man. We all know that cars, farms, and factories are the highest producers of these terrible monsters that destroy anything in their path. So you say you've tried to help out- nobody believes you. There are hundreds of articles that show how other countries are dealing with their acid rain problems yet the "Great United States of America" didn't want to join everyone else in protecting our planet. You could have made laws that limit the amount of exhaust by farms and large factories. All the sulfur dioxide and carbon dioxide is killing the planet! The main cause for my flowers being killed, man. The big, rich factory owners put all of it in the air, and no one says anything! My flowers are dead because of them! There are plenty of ways you can stop them, but then we're hurting "capitalism". If you don't want to deal with them, man, then you could at least have added calcium and lime to the soil, but that would have been "too expensive". Is it really too expensive? Can you put a price on our dear Mother Earth? No, I didn't think so. My fellow peace activists and I don't believe your scams. The government lies to us. Our poor universe is dying, and it’s all because the fixes were “too expensive". I am trying hard to comprehend the government tactics man. This just doesn't seem right to the nature of our dear mother earth. Trees are dying, rivers and lakes are polluted with acidic solutions. I'm just trying to save our planet man, one flower at a time.

Peace,


Hyde

23 comments:

  1. I like how some capitalism is added to this letter, goes with the hippy theme.
    if you could center the haiku so it is easier to read, i think it would really add to the letter

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  2. This was a very entertaining post to read. I like that you chose a completely different perspective. You tied the entire letter into the theme of acid rain, yet it was very enjoyable to read and you made it very tied in with the hippie theme. The only minute suggestion I have is to make the poem more apparent that it is a poem, because I had to read it over again to realize that. Overall, good job.

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Oops. I pressed post when I didn't mean it. Anyways. This was pretty good but you really should put a space between the first line in the haiku and the previous paragraph. For a second I was wondering if the haiku only had two lines.

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  5. "Mr. Bigman?" The haiku describes your raw emotions perfectly. I like the environmentalist role your group takes on. It strongly promotes the dramatic decrease in sulfur emissions and almost radically assumes the government's weak role in "fixing" acid rain problems, because of expenses. Why spend so much money on wars, and instead, shift the budget towards more environmental regulations that will help conserve natural resources and the beauty of nature for future generations

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  6. I think this is fantastic! I could just feel the raw intensity and emotion flowing out of this, and I really enjoyed it. It does a great job covering all the topics and I also like how you go further by suggesting things that our country can do to improve the situation. My favorite part is "LIES, corporate American LIES!" Good stuff, man.

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  7. The topic is well covered and the perspective lends amusement. I enjoy the irony of this somewhat hostile letter ending with "peace". Well done, a delightful read.

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  8. Very entertaining letter. I like the point of view and that you are actually writing the letter like a hippy would. The haiku adds to it, and you can just feel all the rage in this. Great piece.

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  9. Well done! I like how that this letter takes a very "acidic" approach, instead of all the other rather polite pleas to the president. You can almost perceive the raw emotion dissolved in the words. I also approved of the hippie viewpoint.

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  10. I agree with everyone on the hippy point of view it is different and adds a little humor. I like that you added all of the contributors to acid rain. Not that it is just from cars. This piece is very strongly written the emotion is well shown.

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  11. I enjoyed the humor and the strong emotions portrayed by the writer of the letter. I would have liked to see more specific details about acid rain and especially how it affects humans, but overall a job well done!

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  12. I liked this letter a lot. It showed a new perspective and emphasized the stubbornness of political elites to act on this issue head on. Although the Clean Air Act and other measures were taken, not much has been done in recent years to help solve this continuing problem, and this letter specifically points to that.

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  13. Hippiedom is usually not the greatest way to express one's political beliefs. I feel that the use of the word 'man' at the end of various sentences and the references to capitalism's evils got old preeetty quickly. It seems like the decision to start the 'hippie' talk was spontaneous and therefore not well-executed. I would work on word choice, wordiness, and keeping the rant more focused.

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  14. I enjoyed the break in the middle for dramatic effect. It had a great perspective on the issue of acid rain. Well done!

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  15. I really like the haiku. It was nice to read something a little from the other posts. The letter was quite informal, but I believe that was a good way to get your point across because hippies aren't formal in the least. Good job!

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  16. This post was different from the others and I enjoyed that a peace activist was writing a hate letter. I missed the effects of acid rain on humans but other than that the letter managed to be informal and still have information on the topic which was impressive. Nice work!

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  17. Well done! This is really entertaining! I love the hippie viewpoint on acid rain.

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  18. I realy enjoyed reading this post. I love the hippie view point. My only critisism would be to add more about what the acid rain does to the calcium and magnesium in the soil.

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  19. Great work guys! I got a lot of enjoyment out of this letter! I love the diction and the overall feel of the letter, along with the sarcastic, biting tone. The haiku, though, really takes the cake. Kudos on a job well done.

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  20. I really enjoyed this piece because it taught me so much. There is a lot of information packed into this raft writing.It was certainly creative to have this coming from a hippie. It has passion behind it, which really illuminates the meaning.

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  21. the point of view was great. Although we dont want people thinking that this is just a hippie issue and its really not that big of a threat. But overall it had a lot of emotion and i really liked it.

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  22. I really liked the point of view of this project and throughout the speech, I could feel the anger of the speaker and the passion which he feels about the subject. You incorporated a wealth of information about acid rain without removing too much of the tone of the hippie. Great work.

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