[The setting is Cologne, North Rhine-Westphalia; Germany, 1980. Alexandre and Gisela Sinclair await a phone message from an old friend in America. After the war, Alexandre was stationed in Germany to keep an eye on politics. Nobody could have foreseen the marriage between the Chancellor’s daughter and the American ambassador. As the couple wandered into their opulent sitting room, a mish-mash of ivory and silver charms, the dim silence left behind from last night’s soiree resounded through the walls of the lofty estate and was barely masked by the slight drone of rain.]
Alexandre: [sourly] Where is Mitzi? I sent her out to order rolls and get the paper.
Gisela: [humorously] But you had just sent her out not ten minutes ago. Really Alexandre, [raising her eyebrows] you have been quite tactless lately.
Alexandre: [tensely] Oh have I? [catching himself] I suppose I have. [sighing] I don’t mean to go on like this, Gisela, this weather irritates me. [glancing outside]
[Gisela walks over and places her delicate hand on her husband’s shoulder]
Gisela: You’re just exhausted from the party last night—it was wonderful, wasn’t it—I’m sure Oberlin’s call will cheer you up.
Alexandre: [giving Gisela a slight smile] We’ll see.
[The sound of a closing cab door is heard; the maid stepped through the door and unfastened her umbrella, quickly striding towards the kitchen door.]
Gisela: Oh! That’s Mitzi. She was quick.
Mitzi: Guten Morgen, Frau Sinclair. Good morning Mr. Sinclair. [She hands the paper to Gisela and prances off to the maids quarters]
Gisela: Danke, Mitzi! [laughing]
Alexandre: [stepping in] Say, where’s the—
[the phone rings and both sets of eyes in the room dart toward the jangling console sitting on the marble counter]
Alexandre: I’ve got it, Dear, will you go inquire about the rolls? [hinting at the girl dashing down the hall] Hello?
Voice on the other end: You’re under arrest!
Alexandre: [shocked] W-what?
Voice on the other end: For not establishing contact with your best friend in the last 20 years.
Alexandre: [relieved, but slightly irked] Oberlin! You truly had me you crazy fool; you wouldn’t believe the tension over here. I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time.
Oberlin: As have I, although it completely boggles me why this hasn’t happened sooner…But now, urgency has led me here. Have you heard about the rain?
Alexandre: [confused] The rain? Oberlin McNally, did you call me to talk about the weather? It hasn’t let up all month over here. Sometimes it comes down as snow, and then rain. You should really see the flooding.
Oberlin: The rain, Alex, the rain! [haunting, barely a whisper] Acid rain.
[His face stricken with horror, Alexandre takes a moment to comprehend the situation, wanders through the French doors and falls onto the newly upholstered polar bear overstuffed loveseat.]
Alexandre: [quietly] How bad?
Oberlin: The animals, their whole pattern of existence have been altered due to changes in their environment! They are emaciated and unordinarily aggravated.
Alexandre: [concerned] Not the animals!
Oberlin: Not only the poor critters, but the eco-systems as well.
Alexandre: [pacing back and forth] How did this happen?! Tell me Oberlin, tell me!
Oberlin: [flatly] After the war, our country turned to industrialism. Its economic benefits were large, but all of the industrialism led to increased SO2 and SO3 emissions.
Alexandre: [understanding] These are acid anhydrides.
Oberlin: When the sky opens up, it unleashes acidic rain. The acid rain falls upon the earth where bases such as calcium and magnesium lay. Now, these are usually insoluble, but they are susceptible to reacting with acid rain. When they do react—
Alexandre: [completing the puzzle] –They are washed away, never to be utilized again by the plants and ecosystems that so desperately depend on them!
Oberlin: This is only the beginning; these unnaturally occurring gases are toxic. Lives are at stake.
[Alexandre gazes across the courtyard at the ancient stone artifacts that litter the gardens. He is disgusted to see each drop of rain splash across their milky surface, for he knows that in 30 years, their intricate details will be lost and washed away by the effects of acid rain.]
Oberlin: [determined] The reason I call is to delineate the future to you. Your industrialization progress is…stunted. You must alert your government to regulate emissions before it’s too late. For the future of Germany, for the future of eastern man.
[The phone call is ended. On the other side of the line, a man sits weeping silently in his chair, having reached a catharsis and feeling good about protecting the ecosystems of Europe. At this moment, Gisele walks in.]
Alexandre: [frozen, standing on the veranda, soaked in the acidic solution] We have to…
Gisela: [perplexed] What meine Liebling? Why are you standing in the rain, come inside! You’ll catch a cold.
[He saunters through the doors and grips the shoulders of his noble wife with his icy fingers.]
Alexandre: [still gripping]Gisela, a doom looms over the Fatherland. This is imperative.
Gisela: [not grasping the predicament] Is this about the rolls? I can run out and get them myself. [worried] Don’t punish Mitzi, she’s young, she just forgot.
Alexandre: [his face set like stone] No, it’s not about that. That is insignificant as is a grain of sand in the great Sahara Desert. We are talking about the condition of Mother Nature’s jewel: the good of greater mankind. [Fixing his eyes on his wife’s defined visage, she had never looked so striking.] Gisela, is your father in his office?
Gisela: [slightly aware] … Yes.
Alexandre: [unwavering] I think we have a phone call to make.
These are from the first read through:
ReplyDelete"Gisela strides" instead of "Gisela walks" sounds better.
I added a question mark after "wasn't it?"
I changed "the maid stepped" into "the maid steps"
I changed the order of "quickly striding" to "striding quickly"
You forgot an apostrophe on "maids' quarters".
"Where are the-" instead of "Where's the-"
A semicolon after "situation" not a comma and then "he" should be inserted after it.
"Polar bear" and "overstuffed" should be switched around in my opinion.
There's no hyphen in ecosystems.
You forgot to mention NO2 and CO2.
"For the future of Germany, for the future of eastern man." is a fragment.
...And these from my second read through:
I'm changing the year so it's closer to WWII.
The comma here: "on like this, Gisela," is awkward so I'm taking it out. I added "just" before irritates.
"a delicate hand" sounds better than "her delicate hand" to me.
I don't think you fasten an umbrella when you enter a building not unfasten it.
I think "hauntingly, barely above a whisper" sounds better.
"The animals, their whole pattern of existence have been altered" I really think it should be "has" since the verb refers to "pattern" and not "animals" no matter what Word says.
I like "that is as insignificant as a grain..." better.
I think "slightly dazed" fits the situation better.
And that is all. ~Linjie